Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Crazy Summer Days

Ninety degrees and rising! It is sooo hot outside. The children have been outside spraying each other with squirt guns and the hose trying to stay cool. They love it and to be honest, I enjoy watching them--even though in the back of my mind I am thinking about the expensive water bill that will result. Oh well. It's worth a few extra dollars for them to have fun. And what's money anyway?

Well, once again it has been a while since I have written, and once again much has happened. This year has been filled with sadness and we were not left out from the "sadness" category. Nick and I had been trying to conceive since last fall. We were not trying real hard, and we figured it would just happen when God felt the time was right. In the early weeks of May we learned that we were expecting and were we excited! I felt scared and apprehensive because my postpartum period was so difficult with Chloe, but I put all my faith in the Lord and just knew it would be fine. After all, He knows what He is doing and I figured He felt I was ready.

The pregnancy was uneventful. I had no morning sickness at all, and practically no fatigue--at least compared to what I had with Danielle and Chloe. I felt great! At about nine weeks of pregnancy , my doctor wanted to date the pregnancy just to make sure of the due date. She ordered an ultrasound. Nick was unable to go with me becuase he had to pick his cousin up at the airport. I wasn't concerned at all because I figured it would be fun to take Danielle. Plus we still had the 20 week sonogram to look forward to.

Imagine my shock when we could find no heartbeat. All my excitement and hope for the future was gone in just one instant. It was horrible. I then had to wait ten days to repeat the sonogram. Doctors told me that it was still possible that the fetus was still alive although the chances were not good. For a week I lived on hope, after that reality set in. Ten days after the sonogram I had surgery to terminate the pregnancy.

These were difficult days, but I trust completely in the Lord. I know He has His reasons for everything. Obviously, there was something wrong with the baby. If nothing else, it was a great reminder of how strong I am and of what an outstanding husband I have. He was right there with me and for me the entire time. What a blessing! I have two healthy girls and I am thankful for them. Am I still sad? Yes. There's no question, but I find peace in the knowledge that God is good and He is in full control.

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