Thursday, December 06, 2007

Confessions of a Write at Home Mom

Ok, I have some confessions to make:

(1) I am having a hard time focusing on my writing blog. (As if you hadn't noticed!) I get on these kicks where I'm real inspired for a time, possibly because I feel as though I better get writing. After all, it won't be long before baby is here and I will either be too elated about our new baby, or too exhausted from sleepless nights to focus on writing.

(2) I hate letting my blogging friends down. Every day I literally feel guilty because I am not blogging. I see many of you continue to come to my blog to see if I have posted anything lately and I have not.

(3) I am way too preoccupied with being six months pregnant, and anticipating the arrival of my baby. The only "research" I want to do right now is what changes are occurring with my little baby. Can he open his eyes yet, is she at the point yet where she can hear voices outside the womb? What is this baby anyway, a boy or a girl? Will she look like my husband, as little Chloe does, or will she carry any of my traits? Those are the questions I want to know about right now.

(4) I want to do other things. I want to bake breads and cookies to give away to neighbors, to put smiles on the faces of loved ones. Believe it or not, I even want to clean. I want to scrapbook, and write out Christmas cards. I want to paint and express myself in different exciting and creative ways for a little while.

(5) Most importantly, I want to spend precious moments with my husband and daughters before this baby comes. I want to soak in every second because our lives will change when baby arrives. The change will be wonderful and amazing, but it's change none the less, and I feel this need to spend as much time with them as I can - enjoying them, preparing them.

There seems to be a theme here and it starts with "I." I am feeling selfish, but this is my last pregnancy. I do not wish to have more children so being pregnant is particularly special this time. Never again will I feel the miracle of a child growing inside of me. This is the last time I will experience those precious kicks - even the ones that hurt - or the rhythmic sensation of my baby having the hiccups.

Of course, after baby arrives it will be the "last" first smile, first step, first word. This will be the last time I ever nurse a baby. All these moments are precious and they are fleeting. Selfishly, I want to enjoy them all, every single solitary moment. If I don't, I know I will regret it. After all, I am blessed to be able to stay home with my children. There is no excuse for me to not savor it all.

Final confession: I am releasing myself from blogging. I am not abandoning my blog totally right now, but I may not write about writing. Maybe instead I will bore you with how my pregnancy is going, or how much scrap booking I have gotten done. I don't know.

Anyway, I do not know you, but I love you all. Every single one of you has encouraged me in some wonderful and amazing way and you have all helped me to know that some day, when the time is right in my life, writing will be more than a dream. It will be an achievable reality. You are all proof of that. I thank you for that, and hope you won't be too disappointed as I change course in my life for a little while.

I will see you at your blogs, and hopefully here once in a while too! Take care!

8 comments:

Michele said...

Aw, Lisa... You're such a sweet, special, inspiring person. Enjoy this time with your family. Cherish every moment! Don't feel an ounce guilty!!

I will definitely continue to be a regular reader of your blog, when and if you decide to 'get back at it.'

Many blessings :-)

Michele

And... you're welcome to visit Writing the Cyber Highway anytime!

Lisa Vella said...

Michele,

Thank you and God Bless you for your kind words - and for easing a bit of my guilt! Your blog will definitely be one I frequent often!

Take care!

Lisa

Lori said...

Well, I'm sorry to see you leave the blogosphere, Lisa. I just found you and poof! :)) Understandable that you want to focus on the baby's arrival. Hey, how about posting your pregnancy tale here? What a great way to record for posterity (and us nosy people) your baby's impending arrival!

Betsy Henning said...

Yep, I'm with Lori. Short & sweet updates until your bundle of joy arrives, and even there after...until you're back in professional writing mode. We'll wait.

Lisa Vella said...

Lori and Betsy,

I just may do that! Thanks for the suggestions!

Have a wonderful day!

Lisa

Matthew C. Keegan said...

Lisa, you have been a kind voice on the blogosphere -- just the type of person who adds value to the internet.

That being said, your priorities are certainly in the right place. A blog should be a tool, something you can pick up when you want and put it down as needed.

I am happy to hear that you are well and that the baby growing inside of you is coming along just fine.

Blessings of the Christmas season to you and yours -- I'll check back in from time to time to read your personal snippets too.

Lisa Vella said...

Thanks a lot, Matt. I will look forward to seeing you here, and will definitely return to my "writing focused" blog in the future.

In the meantime, I hope you and your family have a very blessed holiday season!

Take care!

Lisa

Betsy Henning said...

Hey Lisa, I'm back. Go see when you get a chance.

As for you and your writing break -- I should be so busy writing as you are even on break!!!

Good for you!
Betsy