Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Spring and Sunshine

Spring and sunshine. That's what I titled today's blog. Kind of cheesy? Yes, I suppose, but I guess I am on a weather kick. The truth is, when I think of something enlightening, it always seems to relate somehow to the weather and nature. Nothing is quite so cheery as the sun. When I wake in the morning, it is so much easier to drag myself out of bed when the sun shines warm on my face (even if Chloe is getting me up at 6:00am).

Really, I don't mind getting up early anymore, at least not like I did when I was 20 or so. These days, sometimes I even wake up in the wee hours of the night eagerly anticipating the morning's arrival, (believe me, I know how strange that sounds). But there is much to look forward to--listening to the birds go wild outside my window as I lay awake in bed, watching GMA, and of course, spending time with friends and family. Every day is filled with hope. Hope for the day, hope for tomorrow and hope for all the tomorrows after that. If the day is lousy, I have grown enough to know that today's sorrows are only temporary and that with tomorrow comes renewed hope.

Today I met with my writer friend, Betsy. We had a productive day and she has renewed my inspiration. We meet once a week and it is good. I think our time together keeps us motivated and focused on our writing goals. For example, today Betsy came over with a completed article for the column that she plans to write for a Christian magazine. I, of course, had nothing completed this week. All I really did was set up this blog site, and do some research for the article that I want to get published. But Betsy's completed work inspired me anew! I feel as though I must get something done so as not to disappoint Betsy. After all, why should she be doing all the hard work. Somehow it just doesn't seem fair to her. And when you get right down to it, I am not being fair to myself. I have this great idea for an article, and I am not even giving myself a chance.

I am scared. I am fearful of making myself look a fool. I am fearful of not succeeding. I am fearful of not following through. These fears are ridiculous, I realize. I alone hold the key to my success. I must not allow fear to control me. This is part of what was reinforced in the 12 week writing course that Betsy and I completed together. So I must be brave, and I will be brave. And so will you, Bets!

Well, I can hear my little Chloe rustling through papers that somehow I don't think she should be rustling through. So I had better be off! To-do-loo!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Drizzly day

Well, here I am. Inside. Sitting at my computer desk. Blogging because I have no excuse to keep me from it. Oh I could be doing dishes or laundry, but I would rather be blogging. Anyway, I don't expect to walk out to the kitchen to find the dishes swishing around in hot sudsy water, cleansing themselves. I trust that they, along with the dirty clothes will wait for me.

I just read through Betsy's blogs. She has been so diligent with her blogging. In fact, she has written every day since she got her account set up. Man, you're good! Me? Well, I warned you in my first entry that staying committed to this journaling thing does not always work for me. But, hey! Here I am. The truth is, weekends are usually so busy. This is family time and this past weekend was jam packed with stuff to do. Saturday we spent our day as garage sale gurus! We hit the sales and we meant business. A quick glance through prices and stuff and then on to the next one. I managed to get some brand new shirts and sweaters for Danielle for next fall. And they were cheap, cheap, cheap! I love a bargain.

After saling we stopped at Walnut Creek right next to Lake Erie. We ate subs from Teresa's Deli and then played along the shore. Danielle was thrilled because she got to go to the beach two days in a row. Friday she and I went on a field trip with her school. First we visited the Brig Ship Niagara and learned about the history of the ship. It was very interesting. Of course, I think the children knew more about it's history than our guide. Let's just say he was a little dry. But no big deal. It's amazing to think that so many years ago, there was a real war happening on our little lake, right near the shores of where we live.

Anyway, after that, we stopped and ate at McDonalds, and then went to Presque Isle for a treasure hunt. The children were given a list of things to find and a bag to put them in. They went scurrying all over the beach--each one trying to find the most interesting treasures before someone else did. Danielle and some of her friends were excited at finding beach glass--jagged edges worn down from nature's washing. Their delight was as refreshing as the waves on the shore. It was a fun day, and so was Saturday. I was as excited about my garage sale treasures as the children were at theirs.

What is that? Do I hear dishes? I think they are calling my name. Well, if they are, I guess I am either going to be rich or committed, right? Well, enjoy the day, dripy and drizzly as it is!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

My First Blogging Experience

Well, here I am. Writing my first blog. What on earth is a blog, I wondered only a month ago as I read a recent edition of the Writer's Digest. Talk about behind the times, heh! From the article, I learned that you can do several things with your own blog account--from simply journaling and sharing your life and experiences with others to promoting your own books. Right now, however, I will not be doing the latter as I do not have my own book to promote. Some day I would like to publish something worth reading. In the meantime, I enjoy writing in my spare time and avoiding it all at the same time. Sometimes I think I have great ideas for articles and stories. Sometimes I think I have great ideas for procrastinating. In fact, if I were as good at the writing part as I am the avoiding counterpart, I think I might actually be a fairly good writer. Hmm. I had better do something about that--the procrastinating part that is--er I mean, not doing it anymore. You know what I mean!

Right now, my main job is raising my family. I have two daughters, Danielle, who is nine, and Chloe, who is 16 months. They, along with my husband, are the light of my life. I can honestly say, I have learned more from being a mother than from any other experience (including college) in my life.

I have forgotten what it is like to be a nine-year-old girl. Danielle reminds me all the time. Let me tell ya, it's not easy. The pressures that kids are faced with are unbelievable. And when you are that age, you have no concept that the taunting, and teasing is only temporary, and that ten years down the line none of it will matter at all. It is hard to help her know that her pain now will help her to be a stronger person--a better person. I tell her, but I am sure she does not believe. She understands today, and how long today can feel. She understands how far away ten years is.

I understand how frighteningly close it is. Only yesterday it seems, Danielle was Chloe's age. This is why I love being a mother, because some day my babies will be all grown up and I want to remember the special moments. I want to embrace them, and cherish them so I never have regrets. Last night, as Danielle and I talked about all the things that hurt her, and bother her, and worry her, she gave me the most precious compliment I have ever received. I was lying next to her on her bed, watching her lips quiver as she fought back tears that were determined to win. I told her what any mother would, that it is ok to cry, and that she would probably feel better if she did. It would give her strength to deal with these things tomorrow. So she cried. Then she looked up at me, tears still streaming, and said, "Mom, you make everyone you talk to feel so special. Like they are individuals and what they have to say is important." Wow! My heart swelled with emotion and love for this little nine-year-old who can be so sentient. I am quite sure that I do not make everyone feel special, but I do her and that is special to me.

Well, I did not mean to get so personal on my first blog. But this was what was on my mind today. I plan to try to blog at least once every day. We will see how that goes. I am not good at sticking with journaling for too long, although I have been pretty consistent with that for the last six months. Thank you, Betsy! Well, I hear my baby. She is up from her nap, so ta ta for now!